Overview
Road trips are an idealised summertime activity. If you do it right, you come away with good friends and esoteric stories which will never be understood properly by people who weren't there. But it's equally possible for road trips to turn hellish and monotonous.
That's not what you want - that's not what anybody wants. So Concrete Playground has compiled a list of tips to help you on your way and make sure you have the kind of road trip which will remind you of the wind and sunshine in your hair, shared memories and in-jokes. Some of it might seem like common sense, but common sense can sometimes be what first deserts you when somebody suggests driving ten hours across the country to go to a music festival or a particularly nice beach.
1. Wheels
So this seems a superfluous point, but if you're going to go on a road trip you need a car, and if you don't have one then you've got yourself a problem. Once you've got the car, make sure it's one that everybody knows how to drive. Nobody likes being the only manual driver in a car full of stricken automatic-only drivers. You should also do all the practical things like get the oil, tyres and water checked before you leave, and make sure you've got back-ups in case of emergency, especially if you're trying to look like you know your stuff about cars. Bigger cars are better for road trips, especially if you've got friends with ample hips or ridiculously long legs. And for the love of God make sure the car has air con. Otherwise everybody is going to be sweaty, sunburnt and have a mouth full of insects every time you drive through a field.
2. A Worthwhile Destination
Jumping in a car and heading nowhere might sound very Kerouac-esque for an hour or so, but in the end you're going to want to be heading somewhere. Holiday houses and camping grounds are all good, although there's a high likelihood a music festival might be your destination this summer. If that's the case, be patient and anticipate that you will have to wait in a queue for six hours on a backed up country road and be forced to pee in the bushes in direct view of many headlights. However, the best destination of all is a beach, one of the pristine and near unpopulated ones which grace our fair coast.
3. Maps
Getting lost is not half the fun. The person who claims this needs to be ejected immediately from the vehicle. You probably have a GPS, but bear in mind that the GPS is not infallible. Let me present you with an example: on a road trip last year, we in the car got bored with the standard GPS and, just outside the Gold Coast, switched our guide to a New Zealander named Paul. All was going well until Paul started sabotaging our trip with his crafty non-instructions and we ended up taking a two hour detour through peak-hour Brisbane. Paul was not our friend after that and shameful slurs against New Zealand ensued. In these situations you need a map. A map in this instance is defined as a proper map you purchase from anywhere good maps are sold, not a scrawled set of lines copied from Google Maps your barely literate friend drew on the back of phone bill.
4. Crew
Be wise and consider precisely which of your friends and loved ones you're going to enjoy being in a cramped confined space with for potentially several days. There's nothing more tedious and depressing than realising you can't stand the people you're friends with. It's also a good idea to make sure there's not going to be anybody overly-familiar with their sense of personal space, particularly if they have personal hygiene issues. Once you've got that down, make sure that there's not going to be any major conflict before you start, because there's nothing more awkward than finding yourself on a road trip with a couple who have recently broken up and still have unresolved issues. Solve all those problems, and you're cool.
5. Conversation
Once you've exhausted your witty high school stories, politics, childhood traumas and the ever-fascinating subject of who's having sex with whom, complex philosophical questions are always a good bet. Questions such as 'which of your legs could you do without' and 'would you rather punch Kyle Sandilands or Miranda Devine in the face' are good starting points. For those who are not on driving duty and decide the time has come to pilfer beers from the esky, be aware that the designated driver will soberly wish for your death if you do anything crazy-drunk like throw up, sing repetitively for more than ten minutes or attempt to give a ride to a stranger with no shoes.
6. Money
Money is a general necessity in all areas of life, but when we say 'money' here we mean the multi-coloured pieces of paper marked with numbers the ATM is wont to dispense. This is crucial because ATMs can be scarce on the ground in the bush, and on a road trip sharing is of the utmost importance. Assign the most organised member of your group the job of keeping an account of how much petrol and food everybody is paying for, and bear in mind that if you haven't chipped in for all the Tim Tams then you do not deserve to eat all the Tim Tams and then subsequently complain about a sore stomach.
7. Snacks
It's a given that everyone is obliged to bring a lot of sugar on a road trip. Minties, Snakes and all things that once delighted you in children's birthday party bags are right and necessary when on the road. Hop chips with tomato sauce sold by old ladies with facial hair in country towns are also awesome. Eating options on the highway tend to be a choice between Maccas or Maccas, so if that's going to bother you, pre-make some delicious healthy things which won't spill too badly and stop every hour or so to picnic. Otherwise, it's uncanny how the shops saying 'Best Pies in Grafton' actually do sell the best pies in Grafton. Moreover, if you're going a long distance you're going to be in dire need of caffeine. Somebody could be really organised and bring instant coffee, a saucepan, a makeshift stove and water, or you could just take a thermos.
8. Music
If you've got one of those whatsits that plug your iPod into the car's stereo system, you're sweet. If you don't have one of those, however, you're going to want a couple of good mixtapes, or, more accurately, mix CDs. The person in charge of making mixtapes should keep in mind what everyone else will like, what is easiest to sing along to, and attempt not to impress others with their obscure tastes because it never works out as well as you'd hope. Sixties pop songs, eighties power ballads and nineties rap should all be considered in the choice of music. Most importantly, don't make too many tapes. Fifteen hours worth of music is just tiring. You want to have songs that are going to remind you of the trip for years to come, an underlying theme for your future reminiscing, if you will. Anything more and you may as well just put the radio on.
9. Ridiculous Apparel
Questionable fashion choices are a mandatory on the road. Nothing makes you feel more alive than climbing out of the car at a truckstop wearing something outrageously fluoro and swaggering inside to get yourself a rainbow Paddlepop. Furthermore, there is no more appropriate occasion for a man to sport short shorts. Stupid sunglasses and hats are fun, but bear in mind they might enrage Mick Taylor-types on the roads. And remember that while no shoes are alright in the car, you don't want anything on the floors of country rest stops and bathrooms touching your bare skin.
10. Sunscreeen
Often overlooked when in the relative shelter of a moving car, sunscreen is necessary for anybody with an arm in close proximity to a window. You don't want to get sunburnt, and unevenly sunburnt at that, while sitting in the car. More to the point, nothing will ruin your holiday more than being so sunburnt you have to wear shapeless kaftans with long sleeves and not being able to sleep at night because it hurts so bad.