Concrete Playground Meets Marlon Wayans

This afternoon I stood up and leant on a filing cabinet while waiting in anticipation for an exciting phone call. After a few minutes the phone call came through - from LA. On the phone, was a Marlon Wayans. He had called me to have a chat about his upcoming trip to New Zealand and I got him to answer a few random questions, by talking all things Marmite, Vegemite, Showgirls, Bond and Bud.

Hey mate, thanks for taking the time to chat. I hear you went missing for a while there?

Hey nah I wasn't missing, I was at the screening for a new film.

Oh sweet as. Well I have a bunch of questions from both myself and your kiwi fans, shall we get started?

Marlon: Yeah baby girl let's do it.

OK so you're coming to New Zealand next week for your Comedy Festival show, have you been here before?

No I haven't. You're going to be popping my New Zealand cherry (I'd like to interject here and say I assume he wasn't talking to me directly, more like he was using me as vessel to describe the fact that he would be having this special moment with the whole of New Zealand at this time).

Can you tell us about your show in three words?

Hmmm... three words. It's going to be crazy. It's going to be audacious. It's going to be physical.

Physical?

Yeah Physical.

As in physical on stage? With like people?

No I mean because I am a physical performer, so I will be getting physical (there was some talk of nudity on stage during this part of the conversation, but for the sake of the children that might read this article I will leave it out).

So what is your stand up routine like? What are you going to do next week before you go on stage here in NZ?

I'll probably jump around backstage and listen to some hip-hop. I'll walk around the city and pick up on the culture so I can talk about that in the show.

Sounds cool. So have you ever tried Marmite?

What's that?

What's Marmite?

You mean Marmalade?

No not Marmalade. Man. Marmite is like a vegitable spread that you put on your toast. Have you heard of Vegemite?

Vegemite? No.

(shaking head) OK. We are getting some Marmite and maybe some Vegemite sent to you next week while you are here in NZ. I'll sort it out, you can try and let me know your opinion.

I hope it doesn't get me high.

Get you high? It's a breakfast spread - how can that get you high?

Well you can get weed lollipops now so you know. Me and weed don't get along. I get too high.

(laughs) OK, moving on. How long will you be in NZ? Has your publicist hooked you up with some fun shit to do while you are here?

I'll be sleeping off the jetlag. I have a 19 hour flight but I am sure I have some stuff sorted.

Well make sure you go and check out 1885 when you are here, it's awesome. Also if you make it in to showgirls head upstairs and ask for Matt - he will talk care of you.

Showgirls? That sounds like s stripclub?

Well it might be, you have to see. So tell me Marlon, if you were a leading man in an action film, who would you be - are you a Bond? A Bourne?

I'm more of a Johnny English character. Bond has too much of a budget. Who needs a Gin and Tonic and all that? What's that shaken shit? Just give me a Bud.

A Bud?

Yeah a Bud - a Budweiser.

Cool cool. I like your style. Can you tell me about the worst script you have ever rejected?

Oh I don't know. I am a black actor, we don't get many opportunities. You don't really say no to a script when it comes along.

So would you consider doing a sci-fi film then?

Yeah definitely. If it was the right director, cool, yeah.

What about a period history drama?

Only if I had a gun.

Which Harry Potter house would you be in if Harry Potter was real?

Hufflepuff. Because I like the word.

Has a joke ever landed you in hot water?

Marlon: Oh yeah I've been punched in the face heaps of times.

Ouch.

That's how you can tell it was a good joke.

What is your favourite type of chocolate?

Dark chocolate. Milk choclate gives me gas.

OK so we need to make sure you stay away from weed and milk chocolate while you are in NZ. No chocolate hash cookies. Thanks for the laughs. Before I let you go can you let us know what your favourite film has been that you have acted in?

I loved White Chicks and Haunted House. They were so much fun.

Cheers mate. Well I hope to get you some goodies next week and head along to the show. I'll heckle you from the audience so you know it's me.

Great thanks - see you then.