Eight Things That Made the 2014 Golden Globes Totally Worth It

Overview

These big award shows are a funny business. Everything is so manicured and over the top. Everyone from every film or TV series you've seen seems to be there, but they're not quite right. They're not the character you really know them as, or they're too liquored up to look like anyone at all. Since the internet has risen up and eaten most of our free time, these shows have become a bit of a smorgasbord though. We don't really care about the glitz or the glamour of it, we kind of just want something funny to post on our Twitter feed. Every great joke or horrible mistake becomes well-known within minutes. Did something embarrassing happen to Matt Damon? Was Jennifer Lawrence being funny? Did Tina Fey and Amy Poehler channel Britney and Madonna for an on-stage kiss? In the interest of saving time, the answers to those questions are yes, yes, and unfortunately no. Here's your cheat sheet for the rest.

1. The Red Carpet Went Horribly Wrong

Red carpets are usually pretty awkward. Most stars really just want to get inside to the open bar, and most reporters seem gloriously starstruck or out of their depth asking inane questions about manicure styles or the benefits of open toed heels versus closed. But this year's pre-show entertainment took awkward to a whole new level when E! Entertainment broadcasted some inappropriate 'fun facts' during their live stream of the event. These included 'FUN FACT: Michael J. Fox was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease in 1991' and 'FUN FACT: Robert Redford was stricken with polio as a child.' As if that wasn't enough of a dampener, the red carpet also suffered a small flash flood after a sprinkler malfunctioned. Luckily that was before the ceremony, and after a small delay Ryan Seacrest resumed his post as the weird plasticky go-to man, and stars like Elisabeth Moss rebelled the ceremony in their own small ways like flipping off the obligatory mani-cam. Go team.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=Y-XGTLfaG3Y

2. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler Killed It

This was always going to happen. Although it's always hard to shake images of Liz Lemon and Leslie Knope from your mind, these girls were perfect together last year and rekindled the magic for an impressive second show — they even called it in their opening monologue (duologue?): "When something kinda works, you keep doing it till everybody hates it." I don't think that will be any time soon however as all their one-liners hit the marks hard. Targets included George Clooney as they stated "Gravity [was] the story about how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age." Jonah Hill also got a dig off the back of his upcoming release The Wolf of Wall Street: "If I wanted to see Jonah Hill masturbate at a pool party, I would have gone to one of Jonah Hill's pool parties." Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tom Hanks (or Tam Honks) and Matthew McConaughey also got a mention, but do yourself a favour and watch the whole thing here.

3. People were still making fun of Matt Damon

Matt Damon was another mark hit in the opening monologue when Poehler said, "Matt, on any other night in any other room, you would be a big deal. But tonight — and don't take this the wrong way — you're basically a garbage person." Being the good sport that he is, when presenting on stage he then followed up with, "It's me, the garbage man. The garbage man who didn't bring his glasses. Fantastic." We know it's cruel, but there seems to be something so satisfying about making fun of this man. Team America was released nearly 10 years ago now, and he's done nothing to deserve it, but it's still so hard to say his name with a straight face.

4. Jennifer Lawrence was there (and she won)

2013 has already been deemed the year of J-Law, but we don't see the hype dying anytime soon. Right from the beginning she was causing a fuss as the entire internet exploded with something to say about her dress. So what if it's Christian Dior? She knows we love her. We have to knock her down a peg or two every so often just like we would an annoying little sister going to the formal. Before making it through the door, she already reclaimed her throne as queen of GIFs as she snuck up on Taylor Swift and joked about pushing her over. She then won Best Supporting Actress for her role in American Hustle, and followed it up with a press conference saying she needed to "catch up on her drinking". She'll be our dream babe forever.

5. People Were Drunk

This is more of an educated guess than a hard observation, but hey, Emma Thompson threw her shoes over her shoulder and downed a martini on stage, Amy Poehler kissed Bono and Tina Fey compared Leonardo Dicaprio to a supermodel's vagina. I wish there was more context to each of these things, but that's really about all we can offer.

6. Mia Farrow used Twitter to its full catty potential

Woody Allen was a winner (of sorts) at the year's show as he received a lifetime achievement award. Star of his cult classic Annie Hall, Diane Keaton accepted the award on his behalf and praised in particular the women of Woody Allen's filmic world. "They struggle, they love, they fall apart, they dominate, they're flawed. They are, in fact, the hallmark of Woody's work," she said. Unfortunately the same cannot be said for the women of Woody's life off-screen as his ex-wife Mia Farrow took to Twitter and decided his tribute the perfect moment to tune out and catch the season premiere of Girls. No one can really blame her.

7. Things Got Awkward

It wouldn't be an awards ceremony without someone overstaying their welcome during the speeches. This year, that cringe-worthy crowning moment belonged solely to Jacqueline Bisset. After winning Best Supporting Actress in a TV Mini-Series for her work in Dancing on the Edge, Bisset embarked on a strange bumbling journey into the unknown that was presumably just as painful for her to deliver as it was for us to watch. Problems on stage continued as an autocue failed for Jonah Hill and Margot Robbie, and Andy Samberg didn't have a speech at all after winning Best Actor in a Comedy Series. He then strangely copped a kiss on the lips from Modern Family's Julie Bowen. Awkward star contact continued when P. Diddy gave Bono a hug that was clearly a little off consensual. (We could watch that GIF forever.)

8. The Right People Won

There's nothing more infuriating than sitting through an entire awards show, then seeing the cheesiest and least exciting shows take home the prizes. There's obviously going to be some disconnect between your opinion and that of the Hollywood Foreign Press, but still — it's nice when everything works out. Aside from J-Law, other winners included Breaking Bad for Best TV Drama and Bryan Cranston for his role in the lead. After their shocking loss at the Emmy's last year, this win seems the perfect way to see off the prolific show after its final episode late last year. Aaron Paul even summoned one final "Yeah, bitch," before leaving the stage pleasing millions of internet users worldwide. The top acting awards rightfully went out to Leonardo Dicaprio for The Wolf of Wolf Street and Cate Blanchett for her amazing work in Woody Allen's Blue Jasmine, and the top films were American Hustle and 12 Years A Slave. Amy Poehler finally got commended for her work as Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation, and most importantly of all, both Modern Family and The Big Bang Theory received nothing. A good night was had by all.