The Summer Movie Smackdown

New movies always come out on Thursday. Except for one special week of the year, where they come out on Boxing Day, whatever day that might be. It's just another one of those baffling Christmas traditions of which we're terribly fond.

In 2012 distributors will be releasing some of their biggest titles — as well as some oddball underdogs — to duke it out on Australia's mass movie-going day. We've seen them all and can report back that some will ease your festive hangover, indigestion, and sunstroke more pleasantly than others.

Wreck-It Ralph

For when you're with: Anybody

It scores: Five (Christmas) stars

This new Disney film may as well be a Pixar film. It's like when Disney swallowed Pixar six years ago, it absorbed all of Pixar's smarts, humour, anthropomorphic ingenuity, and knack for making kids' films that adults love. Gone (or sidelined) are the princesses; here to stay are the outsiders. Ralph is the 'bad guy' of his arcade game, forever unloved while Fix-It Felix basks in adoration. In hopes of finally being accepted by his fellow gamespeople, he leaves to seek valour in the psycho first-person shooter Hero's Duty and then gets caught in Sugar Rush, a lolly-themed kart-racing game that's achingly sweet.

But Wreck-It Ralph is so much more than a sustained pop culture reference; it has warmth and heart in levels it seems impossible a little story about video games could contain. The voice work of John C. Reilly, Sarah Silverman, Jane Lynch and Jack McBrayer (30 Rock) is perfect, too.

The Hobbit

For when you're with: FX junkies and Tolkien heads

It scores: Four stars

At almost three hours long, Peter Jackson's The Hobbit is the perfect film for those who find the cracking pace of the Boxing Day test a little too hectic. Taking place some 60 years before the events of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, it chronicles the adventures of the young Bilbo Baggins (Martin Freeman), a meek hobbit recruited by the wizard Gandalf (Sir Ian McKellan) to help a gang of rowdy dwarves reclaim their mountain home. The whole film has a much lighter feel to it than the trilogy, with the first 45 minutes in particular veering awfully close to 'kids movie', and no matter how stunning the visuals (they really are breathtaking), it's difficult to escape the sense that we've all 'been here, done that' before.

One notable distinction, however, is the way it was filmed. At 48 frames per second, it's twice the rate of conventional cinema, adding remarkable definition to every detail, especially in 3D. The innovation certainly won't be to everyone's taste, and nor will the film, but Tolkien's (and Jackson's) ability to enrapture one's imagination and tell compelling human tales in a most-inhuman world cannot be overstated.

Les Miserables

For when you're with: Blockbuster lovers

It scores: Three-and-a-half stars

If you fancy a good ole cry on Boxing Day, just think about the socks you got for Christmas. If that doesn't work, check out Les Miserables, a guaranteed tear-jerker about a jerk named Valjean (Hugh Jackman) who becomes a teary hero. Directed by Tom Hooper (The King's Speech), it brings to the screen one of musical theatre's most famous stories, along with all its rousing, beautiful music. It also boasts an impressive cast, with Jackman ably supported by Russell Crowe, Amanda Seyfried, Anne Hathaway, Eddie Redmayne, Helena Bonham Carter and Sasha Baron Cohen.

The songs were recorded live on set to give the film a greater sense of realism, and while Hooper succeeded on that front, it regrettably comes at the expense of clarity, with lyrics often drowned out by crashing waves and dazzling explosions. Still, the music triumphs overall, and Les Miserables is one for the whole family (so long as the family is prepared to discuss prostitution, murder and revolutionary war).

Sightseers

For when you're with: People who hate Christmas

It scores: Two stars

Sightseers is one of those comedies that is not funny. Belonging to the British genre exemplified by shows like Little Britain and The League of Gentlemen, it finds humour in the grotesque, especially where that grotesquery is an expression of some true, dark part of ourselves.

The film follows shut-in Tina (Alice Lowe) as she goes on her first holiday, caravanning with new boyfriend Chris (Steve Oram). The kicker is that when the quiet, working-class couple meet individuals who ridicule or offend them, Chris kills the transgressing party. Like Dexter, for the really petty. Tina is surprisingly amenable to this, and the two continue their own twisted brand of romantic adventure, not knowing if their crimes will catch up with them. Sightseers has been critically well received in England, but it's certainly not everyone's cup of tea.

Samsara

For when you're with: People who hate narrative

It scores: Three stars

Samsara provides a great counterpoint to the usual Boxing Day fare at cinemas. For those who are overfed on the sugar and fat of blockbusters, prepare to cleanse your mind and heart with another kind of richness.

This latest film by director Ron Fricke and producer Mark Magidson (previously partnered in 1992's Baraka) is a non-verbal meditation on our planet and the billions who share it with us, and while only 99 minutes long, Samsara stares you in the eye for longer than most find comfortable. It flows from one luscious image to the next, carried by intuitive editing rather than plot, and is supported by an original score.

Quartet

For when you're with: Your mum. And her mum

It scores: Three stars

Rather oddly, Quartet is the directorial debut from Dustin Hoffman. No ostentatious Oscar bait from this celeb, however; Quartet is a quiet, sweet film about the goings-on at a bucolic retirement home in the English countryside catering to elderly musicians. It beautifully deals with the subject of how we might treat our passions once our talent for them has faded and includes an adorable romantic subplot among adorable olds. Quartet stars Dame Maggie Smith, naturally, as well as Billy Connelly.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=ce73cyzp0gA

Parental Guidance

For when you're with: People who feel the Meet the Parents films ended too soon

It scores: ??

We were too 'busy' to see this movie for ourselves. Billy Crystal and Bette Midler play grandparents who have to look after their grandchildren. It sounds like they're not very good at it.

By Rima Sabina Aouf, Tom Glasson, and Jimmy Dalton.