Seven Awards That Should Have Been Given At The NZ Music Awards
Just some suggestions for next time guys.
Usually, as a part of the general media entourage, Concrete Playground gets to hide in the media quarter for the annual music awards. If it sounds glamorous, it's not. It involves a small sticky underlit green room (which is literally bathed in green light) with plenty of photographers with giant lenses pointed at the who's who of the music scene - who in return dutifully pose in front of white banner full of logos of all of the night's sponsors. The only comfort from the green rabbit hole is the free bar next door. Meanwhile, down the hall, the "breaking news" section of the media (you can tell them by their buttoned up collar shirts with sleeves rolled up to the elbow), hungrily type away each winner's details within seconds of their announcement. It's a weird process and everyone feels uncomfortable, but it still needs to be done.
So it was a nice change of scene this year to be invited into the arena by Thornbury wines (also the official wine sponsor of the night) to join them on table 69 to watch David Dallas, BROODS, Tiny Ruins and others take the stage while swirling a few glasses of Hawke's Bay Merlot and Gisborne Chardonnay. If there is one night in the almanac to reinvigorate your crush on New Zealand music, the Vodafone New Zealand Music Awards is it.
And while we're super proud of our native batch of musically talented humans, and thought the awards were spectacular, we decided to make up another seven awards which we thought should have been included into the programme somewhere.
7. The Most Touching Moment Award
Winner: David Dallas
The hip hop fiend won the solo artist of the year award but still managed to make it all about everyone else, saying "It's weird that it's called the solo artist award, because I couldn't have done it without my family, my fiancee...". Maybe it's a little bit cheesy, but it still sent a sucker punch straight to the heart.
6. The Best/Worst Childhood Award
Winner: Dai Henwood
"When I was 13 I was this high *gestures at current height* and had a mono brow and got mocked, so I shaved all of my hair except the line of hair that was the same latitude as the two brows. You've really got to own your flaws." Concrete Playground cannot decide whether we agree with this tactic or not.
5. The David Lynch Award
Winner: Tiny Ruins
So this happened about a year ago:
This is not a drill people. That is The David Lynch. Tweeting. About Tiny Ruins.
Anyhow, so fast forward one year later and David Lynch and the Auckland folk songstress collaborated to create a song for the Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part I soundtrack (the song was later culled for being "an outlier"; but still). Tiny Ruins also won best alternative album at the Awards and gave an amazing performance too.
4. Best Pop Culture Reference
Winner: Dai Henwood
"I've had a conscious uncoupling with the music scene for a while".
For those not overtly involved in celebrity lives vis-à-vis women's magazines and other sources of gossip, a 'conscious uncoupling' was the line Gwyneth Paltrow used to describe the end to her relationship with Chris Martin from Coldplay. Parodies and think pieces ensued.
3. The Biggest Ego Award
Winner: Dai Henwood
For breaking out of a blown-up banner of his face as his grand entrance. Well done Dai, well done.
2. For Saying What Everyone Else Was Thinking Award
Winner: Stan Walker
"Wish I wasn't wearing this see-through shirt, gotta suck in my love handles."
Six weeks to summer they said. Shred for R&V they said. Join a gym they said. Did any of us listen? No. Coming soon to Concrete Playground: Your Guide to Healthy Eating in Auckland. There is still time.
1. Best Acceptance Speech
Winners: Sol3 Mio
"Thank you to our family and extended family for buying all the albums... For everyone else, it's still at The Warehouse if you're keen."
Runner Up: Rob Ruha
"I want to thank the guy at the door for letting me in..."
Photo credit: Topic
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