A Wallflower’s Guide to the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2013

Stand-up comedy. A little bit like high-risk/high-reward eggs when you're severely hung-over, it can either be so right or a sickening mess. Usually there's no vomiting after bad stand-up, but the embarrassment level is similar. Word of advice — if you want to avoid becoming the butt of the joke, stay away from the front, avoid being late, put your phone on silent and for goodness sake don't have any distinctive features.

To help you avoid having to endure an hour of awkward shuffles, no clapping and staring at the ground rather than the stage, we have rounded up the best of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, both locally and internationally.

Simon Taylor

Writing for the likes of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, this young lad is making quite a name for himself. As a self-proclaimed "male feminist" his one man debate shows him battle it out against...himself. Putting both masculine and feminine sides head to head results in self-deprecation, joy, and a nice amount of social commentary. In between laughs you’ll come to question a little about yourself and the gender roles we play in every day life.

Catherine Deveny

Catherine Deveny is known for having an opinion or two, creating a little bit of controversy and being proud of it. The quick-witted writer is taking to the stage in her new show Curvy Crumpet. She brings together a nice mix of jokes and story telling when approaching anything and everything from porn, immigration, parenting advice and back fat — hopefully in that order.

Adam Hills

This Aussie has flown the coop for greener pastures (the cold UK) but is back on our shores for a good time not a long time, bringing us Happyism. Known for his effortless delivery and a stint on Spicks and Specks, we have high hopes.

Ross Noble (UK)

A little bit crazy, but always funny, Ross Noble makes a point of changing his show each night. While this larrikin is in fact from the UK, he called Australia home for a long time and is married to an Australian lass, so like pavlova, we feel a strong sense of ownership. Tangents are frequent and varied, but Noble always manages to bring things back to a hilarious back-of-the-net close.

Danny Bhoy (UK)

In Australia we love this particular Scot and thus tickets to Dear Epsom will sell like hotcakes decorated in plaid. This year he will touch on the issue of the written letter — ones we send, those we never get around to writing and those that could even change the world.

Arj Barker (USA)

We’ve loved Arj Barker ever since he was a cartoon accompanied by his trusty sidekick Poopy. We would always ask, "what will they do next?" This time it’s regrettably just Arj in his new show Go Time. We miss Poopy.

Events

The 24th Annual Great Debate

The great debate is a coming together of some of the funniest minds in the game (the funny game that is). With one topic and a group of seriously non-serious heavy weights, arguments are sure to be weird and wonderful. As the affirmative and the negative battle it out, wit, intelligence and an all round raucous evening will ensue.

The Gala, proudly supporting Oxfam

The Gala, screened on Channel 10, sees a huge lineup of acts from the festival all on one stage in one place for one night — three ones, count 'em. Last year we saw the likes of Stephen K Amos, Fiona O’Loughlin, Greg Fleet, Tom Ballart and Glenn Wool. While the audience is giggling its way through the night, cash donations are going towards humanitarian projects across the world thanks to Oxfam.

Bulmers Best of the Edinburgh Fest

We wish we were at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, each and every year, but usually that doesn’t happen for us and we must somehow make do. Some of the best acts from the festival make the trip for Bulmers Best of the Edinburgh Festival. This year Jimmy McGhie, Stuart Goldsmith and Tom Allen take to the Scot-friendly stage.

The Melbourne International Comedy Festival is on from March 27 to April 21. You can see the full program on their website.