The Really Bad Dancer’s Guide to Dance Massive 2013

My sister and I — like many of you, I'm sure — are really good at being really bad at dancing. The other day on her orientation day at university, she was made to play a game: find one person who is the eldest child, find one person who has been to Spain, find one person who is a great dancer. Long story short, my sister's inflated sense of her own dance ability became the focus of the entire classroom, as the teacher asked her what type of dance she studied.

Her answer?

"Er… I just love krumping."

For those of you who share this passion, or perhaps enjoy something a little more structured, you want to be twerkin' all the way to Dance Massive 2013, an extensive program of dance work hosted by Arts House, the Malthouse Theatre, and Dancehouse. Each venue is set to curate a program of events, ensuring you'll be privy to a specially tailored selection of flexible fun wherever you go.

We've picked out a few shows for everyone to enjoy, whether your signature move is the sprinkler, the Harlem Shake, or the pirouette.

WeTubeLIVE

Everyone likes watching people dance on YouTube. It’s infectious, fun, and can be damn impressive. WeTubeLIVE will bring YouTube dancing to the offline world as 50 performers interpret 100 dance clips made famous on the internet. The best (or potentially worst) part? If you fancy yourself a bit of a Beyonce protege, you can apply to perform at the event. BRB, polishing up my Single Ladies routine.

The Recording

Staged like a film set, The Recording goes through the process of filming a scene from start to finish. The performers learn their lines and work on the scene together as the work evolves into a full-blown cinematic production. Directed and choreographed by Sandra Parker, The Recording is part dance, part play, and part installation. One for the theatrically inclined.

P.O.V.

If you're the kind of person who's the first to stick up their hand come audience participation time, you’re going to love P.O.V. Choreographed by Chunky Move's Lee Serle, P.O.V. gets rid of that invisible wall between audience and performer. Viewers sit spaced apart as dancers move around them, becoming totally immersed in the performance. Go to the toilet before it starts — you really don’t want to be the person who has to get up and fight their way through a bunch of dancers on a full bladder.

Conversation Piece

Incorporating a spoken word element, Lucy Guerin's Conversation Piece uses words as stimulus for the dance performance. A different conversation is held between performers — there's three actors and three dancers involved — for the first eight minutes of each show, which is looped and backed with music as the work progresses. There must be some kind of planning beforehand though? Imagine a dance routine to, "What do you wanna do? I dunno, what do you wanna do?" It's got a certain rhythm, I guess.

Dance Your Heart Out

Itchy feet after watching all those dancers? If you’d like to have a crack at it yourself, head along to Dance Your Heart Out, a series of morning dance classes from March 18-22. Hosted by some of Australia’s funkiest movers and shakers (literally), classes are $20 and start at 10am every day. Sadly, most begin at Intermediate/Advanced level, and there are no classes for "incredibly inflexible but enthusiastic bedroom dancers" like myself. However, if you've got some experience under your belt, it's a great opportunity to shake it with the best of 'em.

Dance Massive runs from March 12-24, and performances will be hosted across four venues. Aside from the shows there’s a bunch of other stuff, like open studios and forums, which offer extra insight into what is for many, an unfamiliar industry.

Images via dancemassive.com.au/Centre Stage/Psy.