Zoe Coombs Marr’s Guide to Drag
There are lots of comedians named Dave, but none are quite like this one. Or maybe they all are.
You may have caught Zoe Coombs Marr on ABC2's Dirty Laundry Live or in post's bloody riff on death scenes, Oedipus Schmoedipus. Separate to her work with post, Coombs Marr's thing tends to be the timely topic of gender, and bending it. The "awkward sapphic high priestess of cool" (that's a description worth milking) confirms she's been dressing up as a dude (intermittently) all her life — like when she skipped schoolies to put on a drag musical. She's also won a Phillip Parsons Playwright Award and FBi SMAC Best on Stage in her time, which is pretty much as close as you get to having a quality guarantee.
Catch her in Dave this week at Sydney's 107 Projects. There are lots of comedians named Dave, but none are quite like this one. Or maybe they all are. Ahead of the show, Zoe gave us the lowdown on dressing in drag (just like Anne Hathaway, Kristen Stewart and Brie Larsen have been perfecting).
START EARLY
Drag is a skill like any other. Just like violin, tennis, and passive aggression, the earlier you start, the more honed it'll be! Due to a natural aptitude*, I was lucky enough to get a headstart in childhood and the evidence is strewn through our family photo albums. While my sisters played it safe, as fairies, princesses and fairy princesses, I used these formative years to progress from standard beginner 'genie' 'magician' and 'groom' (to my sister), into more challenging impersonations of The BFG and The Hunchback of Notre Dame before graduating to experimental drag looks including 'Box of Sultanas with a moustache' and 'Tim Shore from the Demtel infomercials, but dead'.
If you feel the chance has passed you by, why not take a leaf out of the Dance Moms handbook and live vicariously through your kids? This is particularly easy as all babies look like genderless potatoes. You can easily confuse everyone with the simplest acts, like dressing little Sally in blue or adorning baby Jake's head with one of those weird elastic bows that anxious heteros put on their bald infant girls to make sure that no one mistakes her for a boy.
*lesbianism
Images: Zoe's baby drag looks.
BREASTS
See also: Boozies, boobs, melons, honkers, jugs, bazookas, norks… I could go on. Once you move out of your genderless potato phase you're going to have to deal with these guys. If you're Hilary Swank or Gwyneth Paltrow, you'll just need a single crepe bandage, or to stand facing into a strong breeze. If you've got big knockers, like me, you'll probably try a number of uncomfortable and complicated methods involving:
Then, after all of the sore ribs, bruises, breathlessness and rashes, you'll give in and buy a binder online. Why didn't you do this ages ago, you idiot?
And a tip: You will need a helper. As awkward as this may seem, it is nowhere near as awkward as trying to do this on your own in a dressing room. Especially if, like me, you tend to do this at all-male comedy nights where the dressing room is just a small gap behind a curtain next to the pub’s coolroom.
FACIAL HAIR
You have a couple of options here. If you’re planning on maintaining some sort of attractive aesthetic, or getting laid after your gig, you can just google 'Drag King Makeup' and follow their tips to creating a sexy contoured look. Think sharp edged eyebrows and pencil thin sculptured beards (aka "chinstrap" or "douche beard") that will make you look like a member of Backstreet Boys, circa 1998.
However, I personally prefer to take the less popular route and glue hair clippings to my face, giving the effect of a lolly that's fallen on the floor. Glue them on with spirit glue. (Don’t make my mistakes. Remember water-soluble is easiest to get off unless you have the removal fluid. I once had to wash my face with nail polish remover.) You can source the clippings from a friend, partner, pet, or your own ponytail. The darker and coarser the better. Secretly I’ve always thought that pubic hair would be the best route, but have never been game enough to try. We all have to draw the line somewhere. Actually, now that I think of it, an actual beard would be the best, so if you know any hipster dudes whose Newtown microbrewery has failed and they have to shave to get a job in a bank, let me know.
HEAD HAIR
This is easy. If you have short hair, you're set! If you have long hair, you're also set: just sweep it into a low pony and you'll look like you work at Harvey Norman and sell stolen microphones on the side.
Done.
GENITALIA
So now that you're covered in tape and hair, you'll need a penis too. I read somewhere that a small plastic bag of birdseed in the undies makes a great prosthe-dick. Or you can just go the tried and tested rolled-up sock route, which is what I do. Mainly because I generally forget this step until the last minute and as a result I perform about half my shows in only one sock.
But whatever you use, you'll be tempted to make it too big. Rookie mistake. Hold back! One sock is fine. In fact, I like to imagine that Dave's penis is slightly smaller than average. The lack of confidence has to be made up in bravado and results in a far more realistic performance.
After all that just whack on a graphic tee, a flannie, a pair of Rip Curl jeans and off you go. Remember, your guy is complex, if beer ads are anything to go by, he could be into football or cricket or larrikinism.
Dave is on July 25-26 at 107 Projects before heading to Edinburgh. More info here.
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