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Take a Delicious, Delicious Tour of Nick Offerman's Pizza Farm

“If it’s on a plant, it’s good for you, who cares how it got there.”
By Shannon Connellan
July 15, 2015
By Shannon Connellan
July 15, 2015

Hey kids, seems pizza does grow on trees, according to mightily-moustachioed, all-American comedian Nick Offerman. In a brand new Funny or Die video, the Parks and Recreation star takes you on a rip-roaring tour through his fictional Pizza Farm — where the team are hard at work "growing the ripe, juicy pizzas your kids love.” We wish.

"What could be healthier than this? Acres of pizza, kissed by the sun, stretching as far as the eye can see."

Offerman, or ‘food expert’ Daniel Francis, unearths Sloppy Joes from moist fields irrigated by cola, picks taquitos from the tree, wanders past fish finger vineyards, and eats a fresh slice of pepperoni pizza straight from the tree.

“If it’s on a plant, it’s good for you, who cares how it got there.”

According to TIME, Offerman’s genius Pizza Farm is apparently a big ol’ flip of the bird to idiotic protests against First Lady Michelle Obama’s huge campaign to change US school lunch regulations and get Congress to reauthorise the Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act of 2010 — which regulates the amount of unhealthy, high fat, high sugar, high salt food you can serve to school kidlets at lunch.

Until then, most US school lunches will remain as cheaply-made and unhealthy as they can possibly can be. But as Offerman says, "French fries are practically salads, which is why I like mine with ranch."


Published on July 15, 2015 by Shannon Connellan
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