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By Ellen Seah
July 26, 2015

Massive Wieners

Go for the puns, stay for the buns.
By Ellen Seah
July 26, 2015

Not taking themselves too seriously are the boys at Massive Wieners on Chapel Street. From the diner's bare bones fit-out to the wiener-themed menu sizing, there's enough cheek and genuine humour at this Prahran restaurant to keep the locals' love for their hot dogs flowing.

Old-fashioned dark timber chairs and black and white tiling makes Massive Wieners the picture perfect American diner. Classically bare but for the wooden benches running along the sides of the diner, this is the perfect place to stop for your daily grease fix.

One of the bow-tie wearing employees will happily take your order at the counter. Wieners are split into three different pun-worthy sizes: the litter pecker (three-inch), the average joe (six-inch) and the massive wiener (twelve-inch).

Despite the dirty jokes which inevitably spring to mind, there's nothing funny about these fat sausages. Home to some of the best hot dogs in Melbourne, Massive Wieners' tailor-made pork sausage on pillowy soft bread is seriously tasty. Vegetarians aren't left out either, with tender veggie-friendly wieners available in all styles.

Since upgrading from their little diner on Greville Street, shakes and fries are also on the hit list at Massive Weiners. There’s no point in attempting to skimp; greasy resistance is truly futile. Their appropriately named disco fries ($5-10) are the perfect creamy, cheesy addition to your wiener. Highly recommended is the Kraut ($5-9), combining tangy sauerkraut with the humble American frankfurt in a perfect marriage of flavour, which is rare in street-style food like this.

If you or your mates take your wiener eating seriously, you can attempt the Massive Wiener challenge. Grab your very impressively sized 25" wiener and consume the beast in under five minutes. If you can do this successfully, you'll be placed on the irrefutable wall of fame, displayed in the diner and marked accordingly on a lopsidedly handwritten scrap of paper. Be warned though — the opposing hall of shame is ominously large. The DNF (did not finish) pile is located under the bench, as a symbol of the dishonour which has been brought upon their families.

It's all in good fun — and if nothing else, it's deliciously good-humoured. You'll need some of that humour and an empty stomach to visit this cheeky joint.

Image credit: sammyates via Instagram

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