Russia: The Least Relaxing Holiday You Need to Have

Get a visa, learn some Cyrillic and get to the world's largest nation.
Molly Glassey
January 06, 2016

If you've always wanted to follow in the footsteps of Rasputin, but just couldn't find the right Contiki tour, we're here to help. There's a certain stigma that, in order to travel through Russia, you need to simultaneously wield a knife and be prepared to denounce democracy at any moment. There's some weird idea that it's filled lunatics, haters of English-speakers and that every street peddler possesses a stare of death. Well, take it from our experience — that's a total load of rot.

Russia is home to some of the world's most incredible architecture, highest fashion and interesting people, and flights are on par with the cost of a trip to London. English isn't widely spoken — and you might have to adopt a diet of carrot cake and Cornettos to avoid attempting the language — but if you're chasing great experience over a great tan, lock in Russia for your summer vacay.

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St-Petersburg-Russia

farhad sadykov via Flickr

WHERE TO GO

If it's your first time in Russia and you're strapped for time, stick to the Western side — that is, St Petersburg, Moscow and Sochi. St Petersburg is an artist's dream, Sochi is the adventurer's city and Moscow is the New York of Russia (though they'd never admit it). Each city has every scene you can imagine — dive bars, high-end food precincts, live music venues, and a cathedral on every corner. If you want to experience a less hectic and clustered Russia — but still want to survive as an outsider — travel around the small towns outside Moscow, commonly known as the Golden Ring. It's a great route if you're chasing the peaceful life in the Russian province, beautiful countryside views and ancient architecture.

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Russia-Moscow-Metro

Kyle Taylor via Flickr

HOW TO GET A VISA

Nothing great comes without at least one hurdle — and this one is a toughy.  You're going to have to print some forms, post them off and pay some cash money for a little piece of paper to stick in your passport. Normally you have to apply for a Russian visa in person, but the Sydney consulate kindly allows you to post your application in. Check out their guidelines here. On your application form, you'll have to make sure you list every single country you've visited before. Seriously, if you forget that brief stopover you had once in Singapore, there'll be no visa for you.

Oh, and you'll need an invitation from the hotel or hostel you're staying at during your stay in Russia. If you're Airbnb-ing it, you will have to obtain an invitation online. Stress Free Visas is a reliable, UK-based company that will help you obtain an invitation compatible with your visa within a day (for $40).

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Chao-Mama-Hostel-St-Petersburg-Russia

Chao Mama Hostel

WHERE TO STAY

Hostels in Russia are seemingly some of the cleanest and cheapest in the world, but, of course, you're always at risk of getting a flea-ridden dud. In St Petersburg, Chao Mama hostel should be your go-to — seriously, work your trip around their availability so you can stay here. Its location is walking distance to St Isaac's Cathedral and a bed in a six-bed dorm is around a stupidly affordable $9AUD a night. They have homemade Belgian waffles for breakfast and the entire place is slick, clean and modern. If you're willing to empty your bank account on a luxe stay, then W Hotel is by far the trendiest, most convenient stay this side of the Baltic.

In Moscow, just Airbnb it. The best hostels are on Airbnb anyway, and there are truly some pretty remarkable, not-too pricey views you could be waking up to. It's pretty easy to sort the reliable hosts from those looking to lend their dirty couch out for some quick cash. Use your know-how and, for God's sake, don't take a chance on a place that only shows one pixelated photo of a kettle. And if the listing is written in Cyrillic, steer clear — purely because making contact is going to be more hassle than it's worth.

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sev RU

Severyanin

WHERE TO EAT AND DRINK

Unfortunately, not all Russian cuisine isn't something to get excited over. It seems all the time they spent building cathedrals, museums and invading different countries meant they simply forgot to forge an interesting cuisine. Most meals are meat and potato based, and farm-fresh fruit and vegetables are somewhat of a myth. So you can either eat cheap Chinese (of which there is plenty of) or take our advice on where to find meat and potatoes done not so bad.

The traditional, must-try Russian dishes are stroganoff, borsch (beetroot soup), meat dumplings and honey cake. You can order delicious interpretations of these meals in St Petersburg's Severyanin. Their honey cake is famous (with good reason), and every Sunday from 2-5pm they host a Russian tea ceremony, complete with the homemade pies, jams, bagels and sweets pictured above. Other great restaurants in the area include Zoom Cafe (for breakfast), Pelmenya (for dumplings) and Macarena (for seafood).

PUSKIN CAFE RU

Cafe Pushkin

In Moscow, head to the Novokuznetskaya District for a great bite. You can grab anything from a Japanese curry from Tanuki to a croque madame from Paul French Bakery — and of course there's some great Russian restaurants around too. Cafe Pushkin is one of the more famous, pricey restaurants in Moscow with renowned borsch, a dining room as posh as a museum and service that will have you feeling as royal as Catherine II. They're open from breakfast for dinner, and we recommend booking a table a few days in advance.

On the drinks front, here's a serious don't: don't drink homemade vodka. If you're a traveller that has a tendency to make friends with locals and hence accept their invitation for a meal in their cabin in the woods, then this is your hot tip. Stay away from the moonshine. It'll probably kill ya. Just stick to the store-bought spirits, beers, illegally-imported Moldovan wine and rooftop bars (of which, there are many).

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St-Petersburg-Church-of-the-Savior-of-Blood-Russia

Larry Koester via Flickr

WHAT TO DO

St Petersburg is a marvel of a city, made of more colours than Faber Castell HQ. Its architecture is incredible — the kind of exotic avant-garde structures, alien sensibilities, and strict Stalin-era designs you really won't find in any other country. St Isaac's Cathedral, The State Hermitage Museum and The Church of the Savior on Spilled Blood are all must-sees. You could easily stay here a week and still not have done everything in and around St Petersburg, but the necessary out of town stops include heading to Pushkin to visit Catherine Palace and Peterhof State Museum Preserve. If you're a solo traveller, make a hearty attempt at catching public transport there, but if you're in a group of three or more, a taxi is affordable (and makes the trip a lot easier).

Gorky-Park-Moscow-Russia

Ana Paula Hirama via Flickr

In Moscow, allocate a good, sunny day to Gorky Park (pictured). Then another good, sunny day to the Museum of the Great Patriotic War. Hire skates or a bike (not a Segway) at both places as each are enormous and almost impossible to see properly without a set of wheels. If you're looking for more galleries and museum, The State Tretyakov GalleryTsarytsyno Open-Air History and Architectural Museum and Lenin's Mausoleum (where you can see Lenin's embalmed body) all deserve top rungs on the to-do list.

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Russia RU

Adam Baker via Flickr

OTHER TIPS

Bite the bullet, and learn to read Cyrillic as well as basic phrases and words.This isn't Bali. Most everyone speaks Russian exclusively, with perhaps a smidgen of German or English. Spa-see-ba is thank you. Stras-voot-yeah is hello.

Make sure you have the Google Maps app on your phone. It gives the correct metro lines and stopovers right down to the minute. Use Uber, and always put your address in before you head out in case you don't have internet — it's much easier to have the address stored than having to pronounce a Russian street name. You might find yourself in a traffic jam with an Uber driver who is about to crack it because he's being dolled by the mile, not the minute. That's a good time to say spa-see-ba. He'll probably call you a prostituka.

Don't lose your passport. That visa inside is the most important thing you have in Russia. If you lose it, you'll be detained in our embassy, promptly kicked out of the country and dished out a five-year ban from returning. No ifs, no buts — and don't even bother with the waterworks. These guys have dealt with more international disputes than you have Instagram followers. The empathy card is about as useless as a Georgian flag in South Ossetia.

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There's so much to see and do in Russia, and this is really only a snapshot of what this country has on show. It's a place everyone should venture to at least once — and there's no riskier/better time then now. Here's some Boney M to get the ball rolling.

Top image: haylee via Flickr

Published on January 06, 2016 by Molly Glassey
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