Five Unexpected Things We Learnt From Cannes Film Festival 2014

Cannes may be the world's most prestigious film festival, but it sure can be predictable. First of all, you can guarantee there will be a host of big name auteurs strutting around with A-list celebrities, you know the films will largely be about war or poverty — and yes, the critics will of course go crazy for them. With all the glitz and the glamour that comes with such prestige, you can't help but yearn for a little more intrigue.

So, to combat all the glowing end-of-festival reports written by the world's best critics, here's a list of the festival's oddities — the things we didn't really see coming.

Jean-Luc Godard is still alive, and he's messing with our minds

Okay, this may sound insensitive but we just had no idea this guy was still around. It's not totally unreasonable either. Now at age 83, this legendary auteur of the French New Wave has officially reached the time usually reserved for shuffleboard and cryptic crosswords. If he was still making films, we'd kind of expect them to be dawdling black and white tales of an elderly intellectual's battle against his noisy young neighbours. Instead Godard's offering to this year's festival, Goodbye to Language, was a daring formal experiment.

In terms of plot, the film is unsurprisingly lacking. In fact Indiewire summarised it simply as a film about a couple and a dog: "She wears clothes only very rarely ... he likes to talk about shit while taking a shit, and the dog is drawn to [some] water." But the buzz around the film came from its unexpected use of 3D technology. At one point in the film, the audience was presented with what reviewers described as "a headache-inducing blur". However, when viewed with one eye closed a clear picture comes into focus. When opening the other eye, a different picture comes to the fore. Who would have thought Godard would be the one to bring Magic Eye books into cinematic reality?

Films can basically be shot with Instagram now

Another noted formal innovation was by the 25-year-old Canadian wunderkind, Xavier Dolan. His prize-winning film Mommy was shot in an unprecedented 1:1 ratio — the same square size as your average Instagram video. Following the story of a single mother and her 15-year-old son who suffers from ADHD, the film coincidentally shared the Grand Jury Prize with Jean-Luc Godard's Goodbye to Language.

The move has created an understandable buzz in the filmmaking industry and has been given incredibly positive reviews by critics and audiences alike. It's been reported that this tight field of vision intensifies the action of the film and gives an effective lens to the character's struggle with ADHD. Not to give anything away, but the screen ratio does however change to full-screen in moments of happiness during the film. It sounds a little corny, but with such a huge prize and stacks of audience approval, Dolan must pull it off pretty well.

Ryan Gosling made a film and it sucked

I know it seems impossible. Ryan Gosling is supposed to be some kind of superhuman specimen capable of anything except eating cereal, but apparently he's not that great at directing either. Lost River was his very first foray into the director's chair. At first it seemed promising — he recruited his buddies Eva Mendes and Christina Hendricks onto the cast, and the film made its way to Cannes. But after being universally panned by both audiences and critics, it's officially being labelled a flop. Following a single mother's struggles in a new city, the film has harshly been described as both "a student film with an A list cast" and "a cacophony of meaningless motifs stumbling round in service of a plot best summed up by 'woman decides to move house'". Yikes, sorry RyRy.

Cinema is dead (according to Quentin Tarantino)

We really should have seen this one coming. Between throwing whole scripts away and making films that are basically one giant in-joke, Quentin Tarantino does have a reputation for being a bit of a diva. But before entering a screening of his cult hit Pulp Fiction, the legendary director threw a bit of a hissy fit about digital film. "The fact that most films now are not presented in 35mm means that the war is lost," said Tarantino. He complained that screening films in a digital format is basically the same as watching television in public. "What I knew as cinema is dead," he said.

Soon after, Tarantino announced new plans to create a TV miniseries from the unused footage of Django Unchained and did a little dance on the red carpet. So, who knows what this guy will do next.

Sometimes sex scenes with Robert Pattinson pay off

We know that's an unfair way to put it, but it's true all the same. This year Julianne Moore has won a Best Actress award for her role in David Cronenberg's Maps the the Stars — a satirical filmic look at Hollywood in which Moore has sweaty car sex with Pattinson. Obviously she also entirely deserves the award for her unflinching portrayal of an ageing Hollywood starlet, but seriously... who thought some vehicular good times with RPattz could get you a top gong at Cannes? Better luck next time, KStew.