It's 2015 and This Man Is Auditioning Women for His Gold Coast Playboy Mansion
This is why we need a vomit emoji.
Travers Beynon, a man currently in the news for leading his wife around on a leash, is hosting auditions for a chance to live in his gross sex mansion. Beynon, a tobacco heir and former model, is the proud owner of the Candy Shop Mansion, a “Playboy-style” “mansion” on the Gold Coast.
Should you win one of the 12 coveted positions, you'll be treated to party invites, designer gifts, “regular work” (what a treat!), a cash sign-on bonus, photos shoots and styling by The Candy Man himself. And don’t for a second think the photo shoots, styling and monetary bribes will be creepy, because you'll be living with Beynon’s wife and family in what will possibly be the most awkward domestic situation ever conceived. You can catch a glimpse of the happy family on Beynon’s Instagram, in amongst photos of him using other women, women not much older than his daughters, as literal furniture.
If you are keen to audition for the coveted position of Travers Beynon’s chair, don’t think it’ll be easy. Contestants will need to “charm the Candyman with their personality” and prove they’ve got what it takes to become part of the Candy Shop Mansion’s 12-piece dining set.
But enough about the perks of the job, let’s hear about the ethos behind the Candy Shop Mansion. As Beynon tries, and fails, to explain in a media release, “What and who is your Candy?” An interesting question, Travers, please do go on. “Entering Candy Shop Mansion gives you a chance to escape ... reality for a day and enter a world of fantasy.” Whose fantasy world are you entering into though? No prizes for guessing right.
But seriously, barbs aside, let’s all acknowledge that Beynon is baiting. It’s supposed to be controversial; he’s whipping up media frenzy to sell his “opulent” parties and cigarettes. Who cares? If any hot chickas out there want to audition, bleed this greasy Ken doll dry and maybe wear a sombrero with a GoPro attached while you’re at it, please do feel free.
The saddest thing of all is that unlike his predecessors Dan Bilzerian, Hugh Hefner and their ilk, Beynon’s sex mansion is tacky and everyone looks depressed. There’s no sheen to it; he makes being rich look gross. The world waits in anticipation for the inevitably awkward Louis Theroux documentary, most likely titled 'The Saddest Place on Earth'.
Who can take tomorrow and dip it in a dream? Separate the sorrow and collect up all the cream? The Candy Man can.
Auditions are being held at 9am on June 7 at the Candy Shop Mansion.
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