The Ten Best Things to See at the Melbourne Writers Festival 2014

With winter making its chilly, soul-destroying presence well known this year, it's a relief that the Melbourne Writers Festival is nearly upon us. Giving us all a viable and damn near social opportunity to rug up with a good book, this bastion of our city's cultural calendar is about to stroll on into our jumper-clad, tea-loving lives and make things a whole lot brighter.

But, because festival programs can be a bit bulky and overwhelming (how much reading do they expect us to do, right?) we've compiled a little checklist for you. From August 21-31, it's your solemn readerly duty to get along to one of each of the following. Get ready for some literature, politics and gin, people. This one's going to be a doozy.

A headline act

While last year's festival was near entirely eclipsed by Tavi Gevinson and her army of flower-crown faithful, the 2014 Melbourne Writers' Festival is billed with an array of seriously big names. The first few nights are filled with speeches from Helen Garner and Salman freakin' Rushdie, but our pick of the bunch is McScweeney's founding, Pulitzer Prize nominated, all-round excellent dude Dave Eggers. Not only was this man touted as the voice of his generation before Lena Dunham was even a thing, he's been killing it lately with two novels in the past two years (2013's disturbing indictment on our all-encompassing digital lives The Circle, and the recently released Your Fathers, Where Are They?). His seminal autobiographical work may have been cheekily titled A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, but anyone who's familiar with his writing will tell you that he really is a bit of a genius. Sure to sell out quick, Eggers is appearing in three sessions at this year's festival. Do yourself a favour and hear what he has to say.

Meet McSweeney's, August 30, 3.30pm at The Wheeler Centre; Creativity, Childhood and Reading, August 31, 10.30am at The Wheeler Centre; Dave Eggers: Closing Night Address, August 31, 6pm at Deakin Edge.

A weighty political conversation that goes slightly over your head

Of course these festivals aren't just a place to worship the people pushing the pens, ultimately writers' festivals are a celebration of ideas. Thinkers of all sorts come out to play at MWF, and your festival experience isn't complete until you've jumped headfirst into a session that ever so slightly boggles your brain. Former Greens leader Bob Brown will be in attendance, "fighting for the future" with Jeff Sparrow of Overland. But the real heavyweight session comes courtesy of former Prime Minister Malcolm Fraser and former Foreign Minister Bob Carr. Examining Australia's position between the world's superpowers, these political allstars will be in conversation over the future of our nation's power and allegiances. Yikes. Bring your notepads, kids.

Malcolm Fraser & Bob Carr: In Conversation, August 22, 1pm at Deakin Edge. Tickets $19/$22.

A bit of whimsy around the city

Understandably not all literary lovers come to MWF in search of an intellectual dogfight. In fact it should come as no surprise that most people read and write to escape. Appealing to dreamers far and wide, this year's festival has heaps of events that harness the power of imagination. No longer will you spend your morning commute buried in the depths of your Instagram feed, #onboardbookclub has taken over our city's trams with a communal reading experience. No longer will you roam the CBD lost and bored, Lorelei Vashiti and Sofia Stefanovic are there to guide you through the city streets while plying you with stories, inspiration, and afternoon tea. In fact, there are a whole series of walking tours on offer this year. Our pick of the bunch is Lit Hop: a very unique pub crawl featuring trivia, debates, drinks, and literary karaoke (whatever that is) alongside Melbourne's best writers.

Lit Hop, August 31, From 1pm onwards at various locations. Tickets $19/$22.

A hands-on lesson from the best

Perfect for those that actually want a bit of practical knowledge, MWF has brought out the big guns for 2014's Industry Insights series. Whether you're interested in travel writing, podcasts, or food, this year's festival has you covered. Teachers have come far and wide from the world's best publications to offer their advice and, though a few sessions have understandably already sold out, would-be TV critics are in a crazy amount of luck. This seminar with Emily Nussbaum of The New Yorker still has places left. She's said in the past that she doesn't want to "BS people"; she claims the job of TV critic is basically impossible to get anymore. But still, we think you should head along and double-check.

Seminar: Writing about TV, August 22, 2.30pm at The Wheeler Centre. Tickets $40/$50.

An unexpected outlook on the world

Though you'd fully expect to see the champs from The New Yorker dishing out advice at a writers' festival, you might also find some knowledge in unexpected places. Chris Hadfield has come all the way from outer space to school you this year. Youtube's most famous astronaut and author of The Astronaut's Guide to Life on Earth, Hadfield is a rare find on the festival circuit. His keynote address at Melbourne Town Hall is rumoured to be somewhat interactive in nature, and that will no doubt include elements that contributed to his Youtube stardom. If he pulls out a rendition of this David Bowie epic, he's guaranteed to blow Salman Rushdie right out of the water.

Chris Hadfield: An Astronaut's Guide to Life, August 21, 9.30pm at Melbourne Town Hall. Tickets $35/$40.

A daily pick-me-up

If you're a hardcore festival goer, you're going to need to a little sustenance to kickstart your brain each day. While literature, politics and gin sounds like the perfect combination, it can understandably drain you after a few days. Therefore, when the morning coffee just isn't enough to get your head back in the game, we suggest you head on down to Coffee & Papers. Hosted by journalists from The Age and The Courier these hour-long sessions are bound to get those brainwaves back in action. For those that like to ease their way into the day, The Morning Read offers a low-energy alternative. Sit back, relax, and let the words of the festival's authors drift over you as the caffeine kicks in.

Coffee & Papers, August 23 & 29, 9am at the Museum of Australian Democracy at Eureka, free; The Morning Read, daily, 10am at Optic Festival Club, free.

A controversial conversation

With all these big ideas and philosophies floating around, it seems inevitable that some tackle controversial topics. And really, your festival experience wouldn't be complete if you didn't dive head first into at least one challenging conversation. For starters, Russian-American journalist, activist and author Masha Gessen is in town talking about Pussy Riot, homophobia and her own personal struggles against oppression. These ideas are then taken to a broader level with other writers in Talking Points: Putin's Russia. If politics isn't your style, sex is also on the cards. On August 29 Alissa Nutting, author of 2013's controversial Tampa, is in conversation with upcoming novelist Jessie Cole. From its name alone, you can bet that What I Learned About Sex From Reading is bound to be one of the best sessions of the festival.

Pussy Riot: A True Story, August 29, 2.30pm at Deakin Edge; Talking Points: Putin's Russia, August 30, 5.30pm at Deakin Edge; What I Learned About Sex From Reading, August 29, 1pm at ACMI's The Cube.

A session that also combines your eternal love of food

It's become a punchline lately, but we care about our food now more than ever. We want things to be sustainable, cheap, and above all gluten-free. Our relationship with what's on our plate is constantly changing, and our writers are getting right to the bottom of it. If you like your intellectual events served with a side of fine wine and good food, this is the event for you. Get the lowdown on the world of fine dining with writers Ronnie Scott, Andrea Frost, and Cindy Hauser; or dive in firsthand and treat yourself to a three-course meal while learning how to dine with a critic and an award-winning sommelier.

Thinking and Drinking, various sessions around Melbourne, prices vary.

A much-needed mood changer

Salman Rushdie, Malcolm Fraser, oppression, privilege, doom, gloom, and sporadic slam poetry (it's not scheduled, but it'll almost certainly happen)... MWF can be a bit of a downer. I say it with love. I say it in the same way I complained about literature in high school. I moan about it in public to seem cooler, then secretly love it like the big nerd I am. Nevertheless, the odd lighter event can help lift the spirits. For loving jibes at family and embarrassing stories aplenty check out Benjamin and Michelle Law in discussion about their new book Sh*t Asian Mothers Say. Or if self-deprecation is more your thing, Funemployed (named after the recently released book by Justin Heazlewood) is the way to go. Clem Bastow, Tom Doig, John Safran, Ben Watt and The Bedroom Philosopher himself will all be bringing the bittersweet funnies about the difficulties of being a starving creative. Be warned: some of their insight may hit a little close to home.

Sh*t Asian Mothers Say, August 30, 10am at ACMI The Cube; Funemployed, August 24, 6.30pm at Deakin Edge.

A few famous faces after hours

Aside from the panels and seminars and talks, a lot of the festival magic comes in the after hours action. Be bold, put on your most obnoxiously light-catching dress, and schmooze up with the famous writers. Head to the events that have a bar, hang around afterward and start a conversation. Of course, I'm not saying that Dave Eggers, Helen Garner and Salman Rushdie are all hanging out sippin' on gin and juice at the festival club every night. I'm just saying that if there's any chance of that happening, even once, even for a second, I want to be there to tactlessly butt in.

The Melbourne Writers Festival runs from August 21-31. Check out the full program at the festival website.