The Ten Best Things to See at Midsumma 2014

Melbourne may not have Mardi Gras, but we do know a thing or two about festivals. Since 1988, Midsumma has been the go-to destination for LGBTIQ festivities, and this year is no exception. Over 85 different venues across the city, there are hundreds of events on offer including art, theatre, music, and parties that include all three. Whether you're after Eurythmics nostalgia, puppets, drag shows, serious contemplation, or Kylie Minogue-themed cocktails — this is the festival that celebrates all types. Get amongst the madness from January 12.

Confetti

People don't dance enough these days. It's a problem. To go out on the town increasingly involves people mashing their bodies together with a total lack of synchronicity while splashing waves of vodka raspberry on your white shoes. Melbourne nightlife needs a revamp, and this — the official dance party of the festival — may be just the thing to do it. On January 12, the regal Palace Theatre will be fitted out in true technicolour Midsumma style to house some amazing dance music. The Presets head the top of the bill alongside New York act Cakes Da Killa and Melbourne's own World's End Press. These bands will then be joined by no less than nine DJ acts marking all the trappings of an epic night out. There could be no better way to kick off this fresh and exciting festival. Tickets are on sale here, or if you prefer your technicolour fun in daylight hours, check out the Carnival on the same day.

Palace Theatre; January 12; $86 - 96.

It's That Sometimes You Move Too Loud

This exhibition at Edmund Pearce Gallery embraces its defiance to categorisation. Curator Sharon Flynn wrangles some disparate responses to the themes of rupture and identity by seven artists whose work operates across a vast spectrum of forms – from lens-based media to live art. It is also the first time this gallery has allowed the use of live bodies and performance within the space.

Edmund Pearce Gallery; January 15 – February 1; Free.

Thank You For Being A Friend

The idea behind this stage show is pretty straight forward — it's The Golden Girls, but with puppets. Like a zanier, later-life version of Sesame Street, these ladies have been slaying audiences in sold-out shows in Sydney and are now making their way south for crowds at Midsumma. Since airing in 1985, The Golden Girls always had a bizarrely devoted following with gay men; Dorothy, Sophia, Rose and Blanche seemed to strike accord with many gay fans, either a result of the excellent life lessons or stinging one liners that they delivered regularly. One can only think that the comedic pleasures of the whole thing will be doubled by the presence of a creepy Betty White puppet, but time will tell. Tickets for Thank You For Being a Friend are available via Theatre Works.

Theatre Works; January 7 - 18; $40 - 47.

Sweet Dreams: the Songs of Annie Lennox

One of the musical highlights of this year's festival, Sweet Dreams is a one-man vehicle for the prodigious talents of Michael Griffiths — one of the stars of smash-hit Jersey Boys — that’s played to raptured audiences all over the world. The show, written and directed by Dean Bryant, reinterprets the work of Eurythmics songstress Annie Lennox into a modern-day cabaret performance with improvised dialogue. So much of the show is about Griffiths though, and in a testament to his abilities (and stamina!) the show is even double-billed with his own (In Vogue: Songs of Madonna).

fortyfivedownstairs; January 15 - 26; $30 - 39.

Miss Gay and Miss Transexual Australia 2014

Beauty pageants can be a tired business. More and more, the women end up looking eerily similar, everyone seems to be an expert at baton twirling, and then eventually someone mentions world peace and the audience's eyes roll out of their heads with boredom. Miss Gay and Miss Transexual Australia is exactly the alternative we might need. Now in its fourth year, this show is providing a fresh take on the medium featuring the most beautiful and stylish gay men, cross-dressers, drag queens and transexuals from across Australia. This year's theme, 'Dreams and Fantasy', may sound familiar, but with this new take the average show may be in for a much-needed shot of diversity.

Yarraville Club; February 1; $30 - 75.

Tell Me A Story

Spoken word events are few and far between these days. Haunted by a sometimes cringeworthy past of beat poetry and undergrad creative writing workshops, storytelling is close to becoming another lost art form. But with Tell Me A Story recently selling out shows in Sydney, this new oral phenomena is a welcome addition the Midsumma program. For one night only, under the theme of 'GLBTI Family', comedians, experienced storytellers, and tenacious beginners will share personal experiences over ten minute blocks with a relaxed audience at Gasworks Arts Park. The event on January 17 will be hosted by Kathryn Bendall and will feature Adam Richard, Em Rusciano and Joel Creasey among others. For more information check out the website.

Gasworks Arts Park; January 17; $25 - 28.

From the Ilk

Hello Sunshine is a collective of three Melbourne creatives — Erika de Vos, Jessie Ford and Stacey Bennett — whose illustrations interrogate notions of love, beauty, and queer culture. Like previous work, their exhibition From the Ilk is designed as a provocation to the viewer; one that asks questions about the boundaries that govern our behaviour.

Norm Warehouse; January 17 – February 7; Free.

No One Likes Me

The creator of No One Likes Me, Darren Vizer, is best known for his extensive experience as a choreographer for companies like Sydney Dance Company and Opera Australia. But this play at the iconic La Mama Theatre — where it emerged from its Explorations Season last year — sees Vizer flex his theatrical muscles, creating a tightly interwoven piece that explores the interconnected impact of bullying upon our identity.

La Mama Theatre; January 23 – February 2; $15 - 25.

Battle on the Bent Track

One of several sporting events on offer throughout Midsumma, Battle on the Bent Track sees teams from Queensland, Victoria, NSW, ACT, SA, WA and New Zealand duke it out in Australia’s only queer roller derby tournament. The Battle’s an offshoot of the Vagine Regime Australia, an international queer league founded in 2008. As well as enjoying a sport that’s high-stakes and fiendishly difficult you’ll be supporting the Regime’s work with LGBTI charities, with an afterparty to boot!

Puckhandlers Roller Sport Stadium; February 1; $22.50 - 33.50.

Bar Kylie

This may just be the most exciting part of the entire festival. It's pretty distant from the art or the theatre or the important discussion-type events but it is an entire bar devoted to all things Kylie Minogue. It's going to be glitzy and kitsch and fabulous. Open for just four days in the middle of January this special bar, housed in The 86 on Smith Street, has a jam-packed lineup prepared for Kylie-lovers young and old. Wednesday, January 15 will kick off the festivities with free Gelato Messina from 6pm, special $10 Kylie Kocktails and a top secret act yet to be announced (everyone surely has their fingers crossed for the diva herself!); Thursday will bring with it a lip-synching competition; Friday night will host an entire ball devoted to Ms Minogue, and Saturday will be 'Kylie Nation' — an elaborate dance party featuring Brendan Maclean, Millie Minogue and a stage full of drag superstars. Already, it's being hailed as a place for "screaming queens, queers, butch bears, bis, femmes and confused straights," or in other words, the average Kylie fan.

The 86, 185 Smith Street; January 15 - 18; Free Wednesday - Friday, $20 on Saturday.

Written by Eric Gardiner and Meg Watson.