Cadbury, stahp. Cadbury, please staaaahp ruining everything we hold dear. We don’t know who keeps telling Cadbury that we want new, exciting and messed-up chocolate flavours, but they’ve released three new grotesque creations to the coveted Milk Tray lineup and it truly is a sign of the end times. Introducing Kale Crème, Wasabi Crunch and Beetroot Jelly, the next generation’s equivalent of Top Deck, Snack and Caramello. Let’s have a moment of silence to mourn simpler times.
Apparently, Beetroot Jelly is meant to cater to health nuts (who will not be eating chocolate anyway, so why ruin it for the rest of us?), while Wasabi Crunch will capitalise on the popularity of "Asian flavours" (because there are apparently no more dessert-appropriate flavours in all of Asia to choose from). Then there's Kale Crème, the most vulgar flavour of them all, which is a response to a demand for savoury tastes. You guyyyys, we meant peanuts. Salt. Maybe chilli. These are the savoury flavours we want, and of all the savoury flavours you had to choose from kale was the winner? It’s not even tasty in its natural form (and don’t you dare pretend it is, health nuts)
Unsurprisingly, it was reported that testers found the wasabi too sharp and the kale too bitter, although beetroot did pass (still doesn’t mean it should take up a whole pocket in a Milk Tray though). News.com.au were brave enough to see what lies beneath the new Milk Tray additions, here's their snap:
Dramatics aside, Cadbury have been getting fairly… experimental with their flavours lately (need we remind you of Vegemite chocolate?) and this is not the first time the Milk Tray has been changed (RIP lime cordial). But after 100 years, the international confectionery giants are still trying to appeal to a younger audience who apparently can’t get enough of gimmicks. Well, you know what, they’re probably right. We need to try that Kale Crème. Goddammit, you’ve got our number Cadbury.