Oscars Lounge: The Academy Awards 2014 Drinking Game

Crack open some champers with the stars.

Tom Glasson
Published on March 03, 2014

One Drink

  • Jack Nicholson wears sunglasses.
  • Harrison Ford wears an earring.
  • Ellen thanks Seth MacFarlane for setting the bar so low.
  • Winner thanks God or Jesus.
  • Winner pays tribute to the late, great Phillip Seymour Hoffman.
  • Winner commends losing nominees.
  • Winner’s speech is played off by the orchestra.
  • George Clooney says something earnest and/or pulls a “hilarious prank”.
  • Leonardo DiCaprio smiles with an “Another year, another supermodel” look.
  • George or Leo brings his mother as his date (five drinks if they bring each other’s mothers).
  • Matthew McConaughy makes an incomprehensible speech and/or beats his chest in rhythm.
  • Presenter refers to “The McConaissance”
  • Jennifer Lawrence does something adorably “real” (three drinks if it’s a fashion mishap).
  • Michael B. Jordan offers to star in the sequel to Space Jam.
  • Channing Tatum refutes the suggestion that 22 Jump St will be the last in the series because he can’t count any higher.
  • Jennifer Garner reminds us she's married to Ben Affleck who has TWO Oscars.
  • Kevin Spacey refers to that corrupt, pernicious, money-hungry institution ... HOLLYWOOD. Not CONGRESS. HOLLYWOOD!

    • Two Drinks

  • Jack Nicholson wears sunglasses and a hat.
  • Harrison Ford wears an earring and an Indiana Jones hat.
  • Ellen jokes that the show will be longer than the Sochi Games and almost as long as Wolf of
    Wall Street.
  • Winner thanks Buddha or Ganesh.
  • Winner pays tribute to the late, great James Gandolfini.
  • Winner describes his/her film as “important”
  • Winner describes his/her film’s director as “a genius”.
  • Special effects winner has a ponytail.
  • Brad Pitt says something insightful/poignant, or Angeline Joie says something lighhearted.
  • Jessica Biel says that marrying Justin Timberlake was irrelevant to getting a presenter’s gig.
  • Liam Neeson looks genuinely surprised he wasn’t nominated for anything.
  • Goldie Hawn tells Kate Hudson that she should give Matthew McConaughy a call now that he’s all respectable and accomplished.
  • Anne Hathaway makes a rambling joke about rambling in her acceptance speech last year (three drinks if she also sings).
  • Joaquin Phoenix brings a “Galaxy S5 – new from Samsung!” as his date.
  • Amy Adams says it was awkward to be upstaged by her own cleavage in American Hustle.
  • Kerry Washington mentions the potential for “scandal”.
  • Emma Watson refers to the “magic of filmmaking”.
  • Bendict Cumberbatch, referencing Smaug, is disappointed to be surrounded by golden statues he can’t keep himself.

    • Three Drinks

  • Jack Nicholson wears sunglasses and an Indiana Jones hat.
  • Harrison Ford wears an earring, sunglasses, and an Indiana Jones hat.
  • Ellen conducts a divorce of some of the couples who were married at Grammys but have found marriage to be “overrated”.
  • Winner thanks Allah or Mohammed.
  • Winner pays tribute to the late, great Paul Walker.
  • Losing nominee mouths “fuck” when the winner is announced.
  • Non-human presents an award.
  • Congratulatory kiss or embrace from presenter “gets awkward”.
  • Keanu Reeves throws a tantrum because they are re-making Point Break.
  • Chris Hemsworth says he’s shocked that Liam and Miley’s engagement didn’t work out.
  • Jonah Hill is reminded that he’s a two-time Oscar nominee and chuckles, “Who’s ‘super bad’ now, Michael Cera?”
  • Naomi Watts congratulates Robin Wright on her engagement (five drinks if she also notes that Ben Foster is not quite young enough to be either of their sons).
  • Jared Leto and Lupita Nyong’o win and make out on stage.
  • The Lone Ranger wins for Best Visual Effects and everyone is just confused.
  • Daniel Day-Lewis says he’d give his left foot to have Phillip Seymour Hoffman back.
  • Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd dress as Ghostbusters to farewell Harold Ramis (five drinks if Ernie Hudson also gets on stage).
  • Jospeh Godon-Levitt or Tyler Perry makes a reference to marriage equality, Jason Collins, Michael Sam, or the Arizona veto.

    • Five Drinks

  • Ellen announces that presenters do not have to hand over awards to any winner who is ... from Arizona.
  • Gravity wins an award and Neil DeGrasse Tyson rushes the stage to protest.
  • John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson take Christoph Waltz hostage, demanding that Quentin Tarantino make them relevant again.
  • “Jackass” and “the Oscar goes to...” are used in the same sentence.
  • Chiwetel Ejiofor or Michael Fassbender notes that it’s a bit weird that the two main actors in a movie about American slavery are English and German.

    • Published on March 03, 2014 by Tom Glasson
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