Rock of Ages

Overview

Attention moviegoers: If you like corny acting, awkward cameos and inferior covers of classic 80s songs, then (a) go buy yourself the Glee box set or (b) snap up a ticket to Rock of Ages, Hollywood's two hour 'musicomedy' that sadly does to rock music what bacteria does to cheese: ruins it and then stinks … the house … out. Yes, Rock of Ages by director Adam Shankman (Hairspray) is the latest film to attempt the precarious 'Stage to Screen' genre jump, and unlike many of its successful predecessors (Annie, Fiddler on the Roof and The Sound of Music), this offering falls well short of the mark.

Set in 1987 it follows a troupe of aspiring young performers, seedy agents, aging club owners and one bright-but-dwindling star as they pass through the insalubrious Bourbon Room nightclub. Rock is still king but threats are emerging everywhere. From puritanical politicians to the beginnings of pop: the whole world suddenly seems against it.

At the heart of it all is the Bourbon's management duo, Dennis Dupree (Alec Baldwin) and Lonny (Russell Brand). Neither – it should be noted – can even remotely sing. The Bourbon's in trouble with the taxman, and only an epic sell-out show can turn things around. Cue Stacee Jaxx: an alcoholic glam rock god played with outrageous verve by Tom Cruise. Resembling a sort of Jon Bon Jovi meets Motley Crue crossbreed, Cruise absolutely steals the show with his outlandish costumes, illogical mutterings and surprisingly good singing voice. In fact, Cruise is the show. His scenes offer a great mix of comedy and rock standards ('Dead or Alive' being the standout), as well as coming about as close as the movie ever gets to any sort of point or message. There are numerous other cameos, most notably by Paul Giamatti, Bryan Cranston and Catherine Zeta-Jones. However, none of them warrant a whole lot of attention.

Given Rock of Ages is basically a glorified tribute album, its 120-minute running time is far too long. Especially when there's not a lot of script to help carry the load. It also frustrates by flicking back and forth between tongue-in-cheek irony and ill-conceived sincerity – the latter providing lines so horrifically corny that reviewers actually heckled during the screening. The song list itself is great, as are some of the creative medleys and mash-ups, however they're mostly let down by the performances. In the end – your money would be better spent buying the original tracks off iTunes … or maybe just busting out your old tape deck.