Inside Holey Moley, Brisbane's Batshit Insane New Mini-Golf Bar
Putt off a turntable, in a bathroom, through a gym, around creepy, creepy clowns, down a tenpin bowling lane and past the Nine Iron Throne.
Wondering what to say when you step inside Brisbane's new mini-golf bar? At Holey Moley Gold Club, it really is all there in the name. And, as awesome as the concept of having some drinks, donning a visor, hitting the indoor greens and taking a few swings on pop culture-themed holes sounds, the reality is even better (and weirder).
Entering Holey Moley is like entering an alcohol-fuelled indoor amusement park for adults, even if the building it's in — a former church — makes that quite the surreal experience. So does the angel statue decked out with golf clubs, the pink-lit neon sign declaring "I like big putts and I cannot lie", and the twirling giant disco ball hanging in the centre of the venue, which visitors familiar to the site's many previous watering holes and live music spaces will recognise.
Of course, with the right wall taken up by a stocked bar, it's obvious that this is a drink-focused spot with two nine-hole mini-golf courses inside, rather than a putting facility that happens to serve booze. Each hole has a six stroke maximum, however whether you decide to keep score is completely up to you — it's fun, rather than sports, that the venue wants to promote.
Even taking a quick glance at the eighteen different holes on offer demonstrates that having a good time is the main aim here, unless you're scared of clowns and puppets, that is. Suspended from a frame and lurking on the ground, these vaudevillian creeps adorn the seventh stop on the ground level, which means anyone suffering from coulrophobia has plenty of time to work up the courage to play there.
Beforehand, you'll hit your way through a beachy (fri)endless summer, enter a glow-in-the-dark space for three holes of luminous action, and play pinball and pool with a golf ball and club. Yes, really. Keeping with the arcade theme, a putting version of skeeball marks the end of the lower course — but don't worry, more holes await upstairs.
That's where you'll show off your short game on a turntable, in a bathroom and a gym, and on a Twister board, to highlight just a selection of the standouts on the upper level. You'll also tap, tap, tap the ball into a Nintendo-focused hole that pays tribute to Super Mario and Donkey Kong, brave the Mad Putter's Tee Party, prove that you're obviously not a golfer at a bowling alley, and marvel at the glory of the nine-iron throne. You just know the latter is going to be mighty popular, particularly for selfies that'll clog up your Instagram feed.
For something different between rounds, ping pong tables provide a break from the main action, as do a selection of old-school video games. Or, chew a couple of gum balls, grab a drink, and sit down and watch everyone else. In fact, the cocktail list is worth the trip alone, thanks to beverages like the Tee-quila Mocking Birdie (with Don Julio Blanco Tequila, Blue Curacao, sour mix and sugar syrup), Teeyonce Knowles (Pampero white rum, soda, fresh mint, limes and syrup) and Happy Gilmoreo (Chambord raspberry liqueur, Smirnoff Red vodka, Baileys, milk, chocolate sauce, crushed Oreos and whipped cream). Yep, we're calling it: Holey Moley is about to become everyone's favourite new hangout.
Holey Moley Golf Club opens on September 29 at 25 Warner Street, Fortitude Valley. For more information, check out their website and Facebook page.
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