The Vic Is Throwing an Anti-Melbourne Cup Party Where You Can Bet on Shitting Shetland Ponies

Horse racing has copped a fair bit of criticism over the last few years, and with the internet bringing to the table new and fun ways to throw money away (Kim Kardashian’s phone game, eBay and this wonderful device) why would a sane adult waste time on fascinators and animal cruelty when you could, you know, go to the pub and bet on where exactly a Shetland pony will lay a turd?

This is an elaborate way of saying that The Vic is putting on an anti-Melbourne Cup day event that defies the nation's obsession with watching horses race and gives birth to a new obsession: watching them crap. The ‘Shitting Shetland’ game is, um, exactly what it sounds like. A live Shetland pony will spend the afternoon in its own VIP fenced off area, marked with a grid. Punters can buy a square on the grid and at the end of the day, the square with the most horse poop on it wins the kitty. The rest of the takings will generously go to the NSW Thoroughbred Rehabilitation Trust, a charity that helps rehabilitate former race horses.

It’s… it’s… well it’s actually genius and sweet and a little weird in a good way and probably stinky and sounds so much better than paying through the nose for a watery champagne in a plastic glass at the race track. They’ll also be donating to the same charity through drink sales, which is a hope-4-humanity moment if ever we’ve seen one. Here’s hoping this idea catches on in pubs and malls across Australia.

The Shetland Shitting contest will take place at The Vic, 2 Addison Rd, Enmore, on November 3 from 1pm.