Absolutely Anything
Fantastic comic pedigree can't save this uninspired effort.
Overview
Ask a comedy fan what they'd do if they could make any of their dreams come true, and they might well wish for a new movie with a Monty Python pedigree. Perhaps Terry Jones, who helmed Holy Grail, Life of Brian and The Meaning of Life could write and direct. Perhaps he could recruit the rest of the Python alum — aka Michael Palin, Terry Gilliam, John Cleese and Eric Idle — to voice some aliens? Perhaps Simon Pegg could star, and the film could ponder the very topic of being able to fulfil one's desires with just the wave of a hand?
Absolutely Anything delivers all that — and offers up Robin Williams' last movie role, albeit as a talking dog — yet it's hardly a feature that anyone might hope for. Alas, it's an effort that does little more than bring in some beloved talent, play with a fantastical concept and let silliness ensue. The result? Ample silence where audiences can only assume Jones intended to inspire laughter.
An unhappy schoolteacher by day and aspiring writer by night, Neil Clarke (Pegg) is the recipient of the extraordinary ability that gives the movie its moniker. What he doesn't know is that he's merely part of a test, with a council of extraterrestrials using him to decide whether humanity should be saved or annihilated. Rather than carry out great acts of good or evil, he takes the largely selfish, mostly harmless approach. Helping his best pal (Sanjeev Bhaskar) with his love life, giving his pet pooch (Williams) the gift of speech, and increasing his manhood comprise his early demands.
Yes, Neil messes about his new skill, the intergalactic beings observe and comment from above, and that's all there really is to Absolutely Anything. A love interest pops up in the form of his neighbour, Catherine (Kate Beckinsale), complete with an obsessed American ex (Rob Riggle) in tow, but all either do is add to the parade of over-the-top, immature antics. Neil is supposed to learn that there's more to life than wish fulfillment, but Jones clearly hasn't heeded the same lesson. Instead, he's caught up in making anything he can happen on screen, mainly through unconvincing CGI, and with little care for coherence.
Jones and co-writer Gavin Scott (Small Soldiers) beef up the script with more than a few jokes that could've been ripped from the pages of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy – which gives an indication of how not-so-fresh they feel. Indeed, the screenplay for Absolutely Anything has been floating around for 20 years, and Douglas Adams apparently perused it before his death in 2001.
Sadly, a long-gestating project results in a final product that squanders any potential it might've once had, including its main cast, both seen and heard, and the involvement of the likes of Eddie Izzard and Joanna Lumley. In fact, a song could do better than Absolutely Anything's clumsy, contrived and hardly comic contemplation of how someone would cope if they had all the power in the world — and did, when The Flaming Lips sang about it in their 2006 single, ' The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song'.
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