Overview
We found out the hard way that milkshakes don’t bring all the boys to the yard, but they do bring back nostalgic memories. And while our tastebuds have matured since childhood, so too have Brisbane’s. Classic run-of-the-mill syrups have given way to gourmet handmade mixes, and in some places the ‘retro’ silver cup has been replaced by on-trend glass jars. Even milk can be ‘organic’ and the ice-cream, ‘hand-churned’.
We scoured Brisbane on a few milkshake crawls, including one six-leg tier that made us more milk-drunk than a newborn baby, and have compiled this bible of the best ten milkshakes this river city has to offer. You’re welcome.
Pearl Cafe
Pearl Cafe has thrown its arms up to the heavens, captured falling angel’s tears, added milk and called it a shake. Their homemade butterscotch concoction tastes like they poured the caramelly mixture straight from the stovetop to the bar mix. The milkshake is frothy and light and served straight-up in a classic steel cup. Being given the steel cup is the ultimate shake experience – it’s comforting to know you’re getting the maximum amount of milkshake possible. Like drinking liquid Werther’s Originals, this is a shake for the bucket list and a coup for Brisbane.
Homemade Butterscotch, $7.50
Shady Palms
Too often this sick, sad world makes you choose between the glory of salted caramel and peanut butter. This is not so at Shady Palms. Special of the day, and didn’t we pick the best day, was a salted caramel and peanut butter shake – a crafty mashup of all that is good. From the hands of the gods, Shady have combined the yin and yang of the milkshake world to produce a flavour that stomps all over the usual ‘chocolate peanut butter’ combo. The only downside was that the shake was on the small side and after hitting the bottom with a slurp of approval we were looking to the kitchen for more – and the mysterious missing steel cup.
Salted Caramel & Peanut Butter, $7.50
Southside Tea Room
Yes, this is ‘that cafe/bar’ owned by band The Grates, but does being a rockstar mean you can whip up milkshakes worthy of one? The answer is gladly yes. With lead singer Patience Hodgson the proclaimed milk-master, connoisseur of all things creamy and all-round great human at the helm – our strawberries and cream milkshake was in good hands. Skip the syrup, this guy is made with real jam and real cream. Before we could say 19, 20, 20 a jar full of this fluffy cream and sprinkle-topped shake appeared on the retro laminate table. Lean back onto the crochet granny rug and sip up the relaxed vibes.
Strawberries & Cream, $7.50
Hoo Ha Bar
What Hoo Ha do, Hoo Ha do well and so the same could be said about their milkshakes. This cafe and bar do a mean salted caramel shake topped with a dusting of cinnamon that will do things to your mind you thought cinnamon was never capable of. It was as if salted caramel could not be more perfect, and then Hoo Ha go and pull a swift one on us. Thank you Hoo Ha, thank you. Open until late, if you’re not hankering for a beer at 9pm, I’m sure they’d be accommodating enough to whip you up a milky treat.
Salted Caramel, $6
Milk
Easy to spot with it’s yellow and white striped awnings and classic-meets-modern milkbar appeal, this Ashgrove cafe is called milk for a reason – milkshakes. At just $5 a pop it’s hard to walk past the classics (they even have blue heaven and malt) but read down the menu and a deluxe cookies and cream thickshake comes in like a wrecking ball. Served up in a big kickarse jar with handle and a chocolate and sprinkle dipped rim, this shake looks like all your childhood dreams come true and you’ve never hit a love so hard. The thickness passes the straw test (straw gets firmly stuck in the thick of it) and this creates the only draw back – regular straws just don’t cut it for slurping thickshakes. Guess you’ll have to get your tongue all up in it.
Cookies & Cream, $7.90
Bitter Suite
New Farm local Bitter Suite certainly has a sweet side. On offer here the Lemon Meringue Pie milkshake is doing to milkshakes what others have not dared before. When life gives you lemons, add real meringue and biscuit to milk and ice-cream base, top it with whipped cream, put it in mason jar with a paper straw and call it a milkshake. While it may be tempting to stay a while, knock back some craft brewskis and soak up the New Farm vibes - you're on a quest, and so, push on to the next place.
Lemon Meringue Pie, $8
Scout
The second best part about going on a milkshake crawl is ordering a single shake between three people, explaining our quest, and diving in menage-a-trois-style with three straws. The best part, however, was when asking our waitress the ultimate question – salted caramel, butterscotch or chocolate ganache – she described the caramel as “quite the tits”. Tits are great and so probably is the salted caramel, but we went for chocolate ganache to mix it up. The shake was quite heavy, thick and viscous. Made from homemade ganache, it formed an almost milo-like texture on top of the foam and had a malty aftertaste. Heaven.
Chocolate Ganache, $7.50
Beach House
Yes, Beach House – that ‘nothing too special’ pub-style bistro on the corner of Albert and Elzabeth streets in the city. At a mere $4 they are perhaps the cheapest milkshake in Brisbane, and while they’re not boasting home-grown vanilla pods or milk from Belinda the Black Angus dairy cow from Northey St City Farm they are pumping out classic flavours with the syrups we remember as a kid. The caramel shake was everything it should be. Beach House were generous on the syrup, even detailing the cup with a drizzle, and it was served up in a tall milkshake glass – perfect. The only thing missing is the steel cup and a sore stomach. Turns out 20-something me can stomach more than my single-digit self.
Caramel, $4
Lucky Duck
Lucky Duck have really dropped a bomb on the milkshake world. More like an entire breakfast than a shake, the Canadian Bomb shake mixes your morning espresso shot with the healthiness of banana, naughtiness of chocolate and beloved pancake topping – maple syrup. To cover all the food groups, all that is missing is some pureed bacon. Served generously in a big steel cup with coffee beans on top, the thick milkshake is sweet and moreish, with the bitter coffee keeping you from sugar coma-ing entirely. Each flavour can be tasted individually, and as a whole it is delicious.
Canadian Bomb, $7
Gramercy
For a gourmet hit just off Queen St it is hard to go past Gramercy. The cafe has just added a the new malted hazelnut milkshake to the menu, because guys, salted caramel is so 2013. These seasoned taste buds of ours have a hunch that nutella is used for the base – and oh how good it tastes. Those with a penchant for both the chocolate spread and malt should get thyself within Gramercy's yard immediately - because their milkshake is better than yours.
Malted Hazelnut, $7.50