This New Website Literally Tells Your Enemies to Eat a Bag of Dicks

First it was dog poo. Then it was glitter. Now a new website has once again raised the bar of ridiculous things you can anonymously send your enemies in the mail. Dicks by Mail is the company’s name, and their business model is simple: money comes in and penis-shaped gummy lollies go out. If you can think of a better, more tastily vindictive way to spend $15, then frankly we don’t want to hear it.

According to their website, Dicks by Mail is a service for anyone wanting to inspire feelings of "sadness, disappointment and betrayal" in their enemies. Their helpful FAQ suggests a number of possible targets, including co-workers, ex-boyfriends, estranged parents and the Westboro Baptist Church. But really, the possibilities are endless. Each bag of 5oz dicks is accompanied by a note that reads "eat a bag of dicks," just in case the message wasn't already clear. They also recommend sending the dicks to a person's place of work, for maximum embarrassment.

"You will remain anonymous and silently chuckle to yourself for years to come as you picture them slowly degrading into a shell of the person they once were," reads a maniacal declaration on Dicks by Mail’s homepage. "Their slow decent into madness will be much tastier than the bag of candy dicks you sent to them."

What’s really amazing is that this isn’t even the first dick-sending service on the internet. Ship a Dick has been mailing out giant cardboard cocks for over a year now, although we probably wouldn’t recommend eating them. Now for the bad news: Dicks by Mail is currently only shipping to America and Canada. Still, if the website proves popular (and we have a sneaking suspicion it will) then hopefully they’ll think about expanding.

Whether this website is a legitimate enterprise or turns out to be a slapdash moneymaking scheme like ShipYourEnemiesGlitter.com remains to be seen. After being in business for about 24 hours, glitter-brain Mathew Carpenter website had made a cheeky five figures in less than a day, had a cheeky one million visits, 270,000 social media shares and sold over six figures in glitter within an hour. Then he sold it for US$85,000. Crafty bastard.

Via Elite Daily.