The Lone Ranger
Too long, too weird and too darn tootin' unfunny.
Overview
An old man, haunted by history, leans forward and whispers almost imperceptibly to a young, wide-eyed boy: "…let me tell you a story". As a narrative device it's far from new, though few films have used it as effectively as 1987's The Princess Bride. For lazy writers it's an easy way of skipping from one big scene to the next without having to weave in difficult or dreary exposition. For clever ones, it's a chance to play with form and occasionally even wink at the audience. In The Lone Ranger, it's just plain unnecessary and entirely unwise, instantly robbing the movie of much of its tension by revealing in the opening scene that at least one of its two protagonists lives to be an old shirtless man.
The Lone Ranger reunites actor Johnny Depp with producer Jerry Bruckheimer and director Gore Verbinski, whose last collaboration was the hugely successful Pirates of The Caribbean. Creatively, it seems none of them have quite been able to let go of the past, with The Lone Ranger adopting (to its peril) much of the Pirates franchise's aesthetic and form. Even Depp's character, Tonto, just looks like Jack Sparrow without his hat and for whatever reason, the style doesn't hold water when it's not set on it. The Lone Ranger is, quite simply, an overly long (149 minutes) series of exaggerated action sequences without much of a plot to bind them together.
Now you may have noticed that, despite him being both the star and title of the film, this review has so far overlooked the actual Lone Ranger. Why? Because that's exactly what the movie does. From the first teaser it was clear this film was being built around its biggest star, Depp, and not Armie Hammer, who last had to share billing with himself as the Winklevoss twins in The Social Network. Hammer makes a fine Ranger: tall, charming and good looking — he's every bit the polite and polished hero that our mothers loved. But this is the age of the gritty reboot, and pitting a deliberately unarmed lawyer against a villain who literally eats parts of his victims was like slamming two entirely different movies together and hoping nobody would mind. The brutality of the film's opening stages is impressively unsettling and William Fichtner makes a fine bad guy; however, the darkness quickly gives way to quirkiness, robbing the Ranger of any chance to be a proper hero.
The Lone Ranger has some great moments, and no matter how incongruous it feels compared to modern soundtracks, the eruption of the iconic William Tell Overture during the film's climax will bring a smile to most faces. But it's just too long, and without any truly defining back story or characteristics, the Ranger will struggle to find an audience calling for this one-off to become a franchise.
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