Goodbye Sugar High: Killer Pythons Are Being Halved in Size

This just in: giant wads of neon sugary goo are bad for you. Following concerns over the portion size of Allen's Killer Pythons, confectionery manufacturer Nestle have decided to halve the size of the much-loved treat. Where they once weighed in at 47 grams (32.5cm) — big enough to wrap around your neck like the fierce jungle creature they really were — Pythons will now be a mere 24 grams (21cm). No word yet on whether they're changing the name to Killer Penny Lizards.

Of course, this move is pretty sensible. Any parent or babysitter can attest to the fact you don't want a kid devouring this much sugar, and any move to improve their nutrition can hardly be a bad thing. "Controlling portion size is an effective, simple and reliable tool that is used in maintaining a balanced diet," dietitian Melanie McGrice said in a statement released today. "A ten year old can now run off a Killer Python in around 30 minutes. With the previous size, it would have taken almost an hour."

But this doesn't account for the adults who knowingly want to ingest this much delicious, heavenly sugar. If we can buy steins of beer and slabs of duty-free ciggies, surely we should be allowed full-size Pythons. Let us live with our poor life choices.

The new slimline candies will be in stores this month. Understandably, the price for individual sales will halve, and the number of those sold in packs will increase. This isn't enough to appease the masses though. Complaints are going off the hook on the Allen's Facebook page, but this could be temporary. Outrage will probably ease off once everyone eventually comes down off their sugar highs.