I, Frankenstein

Overview

In 2003, Aaron Eckhart starred in a film called Paycheck. That's not even a joke, it actually happened. It's pretty much the acting equivalent of ending a relationship and then sleeping with someone whose name is literally 'Rebound'. But then came Thank You for Smoking, followed by Batman Begins. All of a sudden, Eckhart was credible. He was bankable. He was Harvey Dent — the very best of us. Symbolically, if he were to fail, what hope was there for anyone else? 

Well, having just seen I, Frankenstein, the answer is apparently 'none'. So give up now. The Joker won. It's hopeless. It's...it's all just so hopeless. 

Here's the story. We pick up the action where Mary Shelley saw fit to end it: with Frankenstein dead and his monster wandering the countryside lonely and without purpose. Then some demons try to capture him, whereupon some gargoyles come to life and save him. As it turns out, that little back and forth was just round #45,678,001,235 in one of those 'secret wars that's been fought for millennia without man's knowledge yet could very well decide the fate of all mankind' kind of things. And now Frankenstein's monster is caught right in the middle of it: still lonely, still angry and almost certainly itchy from all those stitches. 

And that's the story. Good versus evil. Statue versus demon. Miranda Otto versus Bill Nighy. At one point, Otto has to deliver the line "I am Queen of the Gargoyle League", immediately capturing the 'je ne sais quoi' of paycheck movies and prompting memories of a theme-park-river-stoned Lisa Simpson.

As Frankenstein's monster, Eckhart looks suitably buff and menacing, though his performance is so drab and monotone it robs the film of any semblance of fun. Nighy, at least, remains a delight to watch as the Satan-esque villain Naberius, whilst Aussie actor Jai Courtney phones in a 'hey, check out my guns' performance as Otto's bodyguard Gideon. The action is the only thing that keeps I, Frankenstein rolling along with any pace, but even that's just one CGI light show after another, and none aside from the first are of any real note. 

Ultimately, this is an animated corpse of a film about a reanimated one, so either save your money or buy a turkey, sew a vibrator inside of it and watch that roll around for 90 minutes instead.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=pxOSPfUw3qw