Oxford Tavern's Inner West Handball League

Overview

Whether you spent your entire primary school education grinning smugly from the King square or languishing in Dunce position, you still have a point to prove, right? Here’s your chance. The Oxford Tavern is hosting a handball competition inside a pub. Inside a pub! And, as if that weren’t kickass enough, the champion wins his/her height in cheeseburgers. His/her height in cheeseburgers!

Officially known as the Inner West Handball League, the contest kicks off next Thursday, March 19, at 7pm. The rules are exactly as you would have, or should have, followed them at school. That’s four squares, labelled King, Queen, Jack and Dunce (some rebellious schools included Ace as the server). When someone gets out, everyone moves up one rank. There’s no double-bouncing, no fulls, no using any part of your body except your hand to hit the ball, no grabbing, no rolling and no hanging out in other people’s squares. And bullying is absolutely not permitted.

Spots are limited, so if you’ve got the goods, you’d better email forbes@drinkndine.com.au as soon as your super-fast reflexes allow it.

For the rules, check out Fennell Bay Public School's hella sick PDF. For 'tips', watch ol' K-Rudd do some damage at Brisbane High School.